Three years....

May 5th was the third anniversary of my mom leaving this earth behind.  She was in such bad shape that I could never wish her back to the pain and suffering she endured, but she sure left a hole in our lives.

 

                                         This was the last picture Madeline had taken with her.

I couldn't make myself blog yesterday.  Our day was busy, but I would have moments that I would stop and think of May 5, 2012 and feel the wave of sadness all over again.  The day she died we were all exhausted.  We had been going on three weeks of an emotional roller coaster with her in the hospital and then in ICU.  It was almost like I was numb when I got the word that she had died.  I probably cried less that day than I had the week before.  I remember leaving the hospital late one night and going by Kroger on the way home. (My kids still had to eat! :o)  I remember trying to shop and just sobbing the whole time.  Everywhere I looked I could see my mom.  She loved to cook and everything that had to do with the home.  I remember wondering how I would ever be able to function again.

Life marches on and time has a way of healing things.  I still don't think a day goes by that something doesn't make me think of her.  Our home is full of things that she gave us, made for us or belonged to her.  Her hand prints are everywhere... but especially on our hearts.

I looked at old pictures a lot yesterday just to find ones of her.  Thankfully I am a big picture taker (and so is McKenzie!), so we don't lack for pictures of her.  These aren't great pictures (and she would NOT be happy with me posting them!), but they just bring back so many memories.  They are good memories, but I wonder if I will ever be able to look through them without crying.

I know losing your mother is a natural part of life.  I have often wondered how people ever take another breath when they lose a child.  I can't begin to imagine the pain.  I think the sadness of losing my mom is because she suffered so much her last years, she wanted to live so desperately because of her family, and she died too soon.

 

This old home on Willow Bend Way will always bring back so many memories.

If my mom could help it, she would not miss anything that had to do with her grandchildren.  This next picture is of Malachi's first birthday.  She was having a pace maker put in the next day!

This was one Sunday afternoon when we went to celebrate Mother's Day with her.  I wanted to take her picture and she put her plate in front of her face.  My dad (always a goofball) did it too.  He hasn't been the same silly dad since she died.

 

This next picture makes me cry.  She adored her grandchildren, and they loved her too!  I have thought so many times about Macheus never getting to have a "Boo Boo".  She use to rub noses with my babies and say, "Nose, nose, nose."  I started doing that with Macheus and I was doing it with him last night and told him, "Your Boo Boo sure would have loved you."  He smiled and said,  "Boo Boo love you."  :o)

There are times that I can picture everything about her.  I can hear her voice, I can see her standing in her kitchen  Then in other ways she seems so far away.  So much has changed since her death.
If you still have your mother don't take her for granted.  You never know when she could be gone.  My mom wasn't perfect, but she was perfect for us!