Where does a mother go to resign?

It is late. I should go to bed, but I feel the need to ramble. What better place to vent than my blog!

Anyone that knows me or has read this blog for very long knows what kind of a year we had last year. Besides our precious, little Myles, I would just assume forget about 2009. I was really counting on 2010 being a quiet year. So far, it has not been quiet.

My mom continues to battle health problems. It started with a "simple" hand surgery in January that landed her in the hospital with MRSA. She goes from doctor to doctor trying to get help, but the only help they offer is more medicine. I am not anti-doctor, but so many of them are nothing more than "pill pushers". She was in the hospital for over six weeks. She is at home now, but still having problems.

This weekend has been full of "excitement" too. Matthew got swords for Christmas from Vision Forum. They really should sell helmets with them! He and his daddy were sword fighting Saturday evening and now Matthew has a broken front tooth. He had two broken teeth from the wreck last fall. No, this is a different one! I told him he was going to look like a hockey player if he kept this up! I don't think I was cut out to be the mother of boys! They scare me!

Today we decided to stay home from church because Madeline and Mariah were both coughing. It was a good thing that we did because Myles had a fever today. That stressed me out. It was his first sickness, and I have never had a baby this young to get sick. Everyone spent most of the day outside. Madeline took Malachi out to play in the woods. He later mentioned to me while pointing to his knee that his "foot" hurt. I didn't pay much attention other than to point out that that was his knee not his foot. We took him for a long wagon ride and when we got home he was crying and wouldn't walk on it. I gave him a bath and noticed his knee looked a little swollen. I sat him on his floor and saw two spots on his knee. They looked to be the perfect space to be snake fang marks. My heart started racing and I screamed for Marc to come look at it. He thought the same thing, or maybe a spider bite. Malachi was screaming and my head was pounding. I called our pediatricians after hours office. They told me what to look for and assured me that if it had been a snake bite we would have already known it. After looking at it some more we thought it looked more like a splinter type thing was in one of the holes and that the other spot was more like a surface scratch. Madeline told us that he did get tangled in some briers while they were in the woods. We put him back in the tub to soak with Epsom salt. It didn't seem to change the spot at all. We decided to put him to bed and wait until morning so he can see his own doctor. After he fell asleep I went to really get a good look at his knee. Looking at it closely now, it seems the spots might not be much of anything, that it is more of the swollen knee/ not walking on it that is the issue. I don't know if he twisted it or what. So, in the morning I guess I will be calling the dentist and the pediatrician. Not the way I like to start a new week.

I realize I have a lot to be thankful for. I look at what some people have to go through and I have no reason to complain. I am tired though! I just want some "down" time! I heard a song the other day that had a line in it that said, "Trusting you Lord, doesn't come easy to me....." That is where I am. Sounds really spiritual doesn't it? I am being honest though. I had a good cry while Marc preached a sermon to me. (No, he didn't really. He very sweetly read some Bible passages to me.) He read the first two chapters of Job. He read the story of Abraham and Isaac. He talked about trust. He asked me, "Do you trust God with your mother?" "Do you trust God with your children?" It is easy to say I trust God, but when tough times come do I really? After the wreck when I was really struggling, my pastor encouraged me to quote scripture every time I had a negative or fearful thought. There have been times that I feel paralyzed with fear. When I would pray or quote verses I had so much more peace. When I frantically try to do things in my own strength is when I feel the worst. Maybe one day I will learn to fully trust Him! In the meantime, I need to go to bed!

"But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like Eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31